phersu...

...means "mask" in Etruscan. I always find that the first time that I meet a new group of people, I attempt to determine what my role will be in our interactions. Will I be the girl constantly cracking jokes and trying to make people laugh? Will I be aloof and quiet and try to fit in the best that I can? Will I be the "smart" girl, the "wild" girl, the slightly hyperactive or overachieving girl? Being an actress, but also being a human being, all of these personas are an integral part of who I am, coming together in the perfect mathematical proportion that makes up the real "me". Having a deep understanding of who I am has allowed me to alter this proportion when it is necessary, but I try to keep out of it as much as possible. Changing myself has never ended with favorable results in my life.
This being said, the exercise presented last Thursday gave me an opportunity to avoid the mess of creating a "me" in relation to the group, and allowed me to give the real "me" to the group in a way that was especially challenging. The montage exercise reminded me of one of my first days at the Stella Adler School of Drama; we were to get in front of a camera and share some of the most influential moments of our lives. Some students said barely anything, others bared deep, dark secrets that brought them to tears. In creating art relating to the process I have gone through with the death of my father, I felt extremely vulnerable and exposed in a way that I normally reserve for interactions with close friends and family. However, I believe that in order for me to truly connect with any art form, be it dance, drama, poetry, or art, that the more vulnerable and exposed I feel, the greater the reward. I am not sure if my montage elicited any deep feelings from my fellow classmates, but I know that the internal experience was profound and very fulfilling, however difficult it seemed initially.
I am pleased that I avoided putting on my "phersu", "persona", "mask", whatever you want to call it, for both the sake my sanity and the sanity of the group; putting on the mask of character works great on stage but not so well in interpersonal relationships.